Donna: Red alert, Swanson. Your ex-wife is back.
Ron: No kidding, Donna.
Donna: Not her. The other ex-wife.
Ron: Tammy One.
Donna: She’s in your office.
Tammy: Oh, ****!
“I have cried twice in my life. Once when I was seven and I was hit by a school bus. And then again when I heard that Li’l Sebastian had passed. His memory will live on as today we light a fire that will burn on for eternity.”
Ben: Okay, deep breath. I think we got through it.
Leslie: Thank God. Hey, Jerry, you put propane in the eternal flame, right?
Jerry: No, they were out. So I just got a big thing of lighter fluid. It’s kind of the same thing…
Jerry: Are you mad at me? ‘Cause without eyebrows, I can’t really tell.
Leslie: Ron Swanson loves his facial hair. And we burned it off. This thing that we’re doing, it’s unsustainable.
Ben: What, you want to break up?
Leslie: What? No. I like you.
Ben: Well, then… you want to tell Chris.
Leslie: What? No. I like my job.
Ben: Well, then, what do we do?
Leslie: Okay, operation shutdown. No more secret hand-holding. No more smooching in Ann’s office. In fact, when we’re at work, we just shouldn’t talk to each other at all.
Ben: Okay, well, that’s gonna be really hard and we could still get fired.
Leslie: I know but it’s worth the risk if I can be with you.
Ben: All right, well then, I’m in.
Leslie: What are you doing? Are you kidding me?
Ben: I’m sorry. No it’s force of habit.